How to Plan and Create Your Own Wedding Ceremony
How to write your own personal & unique wedding ceremony
It’s no secret that I love photographing wedding ceremonies where the couple have had input to make the ceremony as personal to them as possible. I adore it when couples write their own vows, pick readings that really resonate with them and also add in their own rituals that they feel symbolise the union of marriage.
I know this can seem like a daunting task though and therefore easier sometimes to stick to the script, so I wanted to write a bit more about some ideas in the hope it helps some of my lovely couples design a more personal and unique wedding ceremony.
It’s worth noting that in England you are a bit restricted about where you can get married legally; it has to be at a licensed venue, which requires a permanent roof over your head, and it has to be conducted by a registrar. I really hope they change this in the future as I love seeing what people do when they create ceremonies themselves, with much more freedom to say their vows where and with whom they like!
The following ideas are mostly suited for having a wedding celebrant instead of a registrar, which removes the time constraints (registrars generally have multiple weddings on the same day) If you are having a council (registrar) wedding you are also not allowed to have ANY religious readings, songs or poems which is difficult for people who maybe want to incorporate some faith elements into their ceremony, but don’t want to get married at a church or other religious building.
THINGS YOU CAN DO TO PERSONALISE YOUR CEREMONY
Location
If you’re not being constrained by laws you can hold a wedding pretty much anywhere! Mostly people choose a back garden or field where they can really personalise it and also have a lot of space (even for camping). One of my favourite places was Ame and Simon who got married on a little island in a pond in one of their fields, and then rode off in a boat! This was also where they got engaged so it was really special to them.
Readings
Poems, words of wisdom, short extracts from books – there are so many options to include a lovely reading at the ceremony. Picking someone special and close to you to do one of these is a really nice way to include them and make the ceremony more personal! There are a lot of very common ones you find if you do a quick google search and I would suggest guiding speakers to something which is pertinent to you both, it’s even better if people have never heard it before!
Songs
Having a lovely singalong with your guests can be really great, I’ve had couples pick well known songs or have the words printed on seats. e.g you are my sunshine (which happened on a particularly rainy day when the wedding outdoors had been rained off!) Or you might want a talented guest to do a favourite song of yours, or play an instrument.
Vows
Whether you are having a registrar wedding or not you don’t need to be constrained by legalities in terms of your vows which means you can write your own and say them to each other. This is one of the loveliest ways to bring individuality into a ceremony. It can be totally unscripted, or you can write them so they’re similar and complement each other . e.g ‘I promise to always…’ ‘The thing I love about our relationship…’ ‘I can’t wait to…’ etc. You can take turns in speaking fully with surprise words you’ve written, take it in turns to do a few lines each or even write the vows together and say them!
Making your Entrance
This doesn’t need to be with your parent. Although traditionally it is the father of the bride there are of course plenty of couples where this is sadly not an option, and I have seen many proud mums walk down the aisle) there are other options too. I have seen couples walk down the aisle together, brides walk in with just a best bridesmaid, close siblings walk someone in, grandparents or aunts and I have seen people walk into the room just by themselves… so there is literally no right or wrong way to do it!
Think about the symbolism of this act and what that means to you. For some people this is a dreaded moment, everyone turning to look at you for the first time, so having someone you trust and want there by your side is important. Equally this is a moment some people have been dreaming of since they were small and will absolutely relish it! Either and both are absolutely valid and you must choose what’s right for you.
Think about the setting
What do you want the backdrop to look like in your wedding ceremony? This might not be something you’ve given much thought to and maybe your venue is beautiful, or you’re getting married right in nature and what to leave that to do the work all itself. Most common are arches, a lovely way you can personalise the space and give you a ‘cover’ or frame to be under. One of my couples Freya & Phil made 1000 paper cranes to hang from the trees to get married under! As a photographer also this can look really great if you’ve put some thought into that - I love this backdrop from Demi and Ben’s wedding!
Where are you guests going to sit? If you’re DIYing the set up you will need to think about chairs, bales, benches, or simply cushions! Think about creating an ‘alter’ space with an aisle down the middle too. Chris and Jess had the ultimate set up for their outdoor ceremony that even involved a disco ball to highlight their love of music!
Celebrant
Who you get to marry you is important. There are lots of fantastic wedding celebrants out there who are experienced in non-legal marriage ceremonies who will have plenty of ideas and also guide you through the process. If you decide you want a family friend or someone else to do it make sure it’s some one who is confident in public speaking and who you explicitly trust! It’s good for them to do an opening speech to welcome people, to talk a bit about the meaning of marriage, what marriage means to you, why you’ve chosen to do it this way, etc to set the scene, bring people together and also make it more meaningful. Anna & Mike (below) got married in Sweden where her father went through the steps to be able to legally marry them at a spot by the lake where Anna would come all the time when she was small. Doesn’t get much more personal than that!
WEDDING RITUAL IDEAS
Handfasting
One of the most common and loveliest acts of union I have seen is a handfasting ceremony that involves binding your hands together usually with ribbon and tying a knot (which is where that phrase actually comes from). It can be lovely for symbolism and the act of ceremony too. We did this at our wedding where we used a silk scarf and then have kept it in a special box. I’ve seen it at weddings where the children (nieces and nephews) all came up and helped wrap the scarf too which was a really great way to involve the children and made it extra special.
Ring blessing
We had all four of our parents come up with us and “bless” the rings before we exchanged them, they each said a word they hoped for our marriage and held the rings and they were passed to each of them before we exchanged them ourselves. This is a really nice way to include parents who other wise might not play a role. I have also seen it where the rings are passed around all of the guests (it wasn’t a very big wedding!)
Quaich
I had a couple who did an outdoor ceremony who had a special quaich (two handled cup) and both drank a shot of whiskey from it, arms linked. They spent a lot of time in Scotland and it was a really special thing for them as it represented the unity but also a personal aspect of their life. The Quaich is often referred to as the loving cup as you each take a handle to take a drink, showing you trust one another to share the cup. You could do it with another drink though (alcoholic or not) if you don’t like whisky!
Candles
I think this is a wonderfully symbolic way of symbolising new beginnings and also honouring those that can’t be with you. Jenny and Steve lit a candle each and then one together in their ceremony in Bishops Castle.
Tree planting
I have never photographed this before but I love the idea – creating something new to mark the transition into marriage. Something long lasting and of nature. If you didn’t want to do this at the ceremony you could always have some small trees there and then plant them after.
Signing the register
Even though your ceremony will be not legal unless conducted with a registrar in England you can still have this part in if you wanted, although it will not go in the legal ‘register’. You could also ask all your guests to sign this later as a guest book, or before the ceremony too to make it a piece of art you can frame after!
Top tips
If you are doing anything out of the ‘ordinary’ then I would say the biggest tip is to PRACTISE! It really helps iron out any kinks or bits that didn’t work properly and help it to flow. Think of it as a wedding rehearsal! If you have a professional celebrant they might suggest this, if you are having someone you know marry you then definitely make time for it as they wont be as experienced with ad libbing if things go a little awry.
Have a wet weather plan! If you are getting married at a venue they will have one of these in place but if you’re not do think about what you’ll do and where you’ll have it if it’s raining. Although a little drizzle (see the below image!) is okay if it’s a downpour you’ll have to think about rehousing your guests somewhere else.
Template of an alternative wedding ceremony
I consulted the expert (ok, I’m biased) opinion of my Mum, Sian Allen celebrant of Magpie Ceremonies, to talk through an example order of a ceremony you could do, if you were working outside the constraints of a registrar.
Entrance of the couple / bride / groom with whoever they choose
Address / Welcome by celebrant
Reading
Reading of the Vows
Song
Rituals: Ring blessing / Hand fasting
Ring exchange
Pronouncement of marriage & exit of couple - applause / cheers
So there we have it! I hope there was some useful information in there for couples looking to plan their own wedding ceremony and incorporate some personal & unique ideas in it.
